Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Outsider

If you have ever traveled to a third world country, you have most likely experienced culture shock. Some experience culture shock when entering a new country, but others, like me, experience it more coming home.

Its a nauseating feeling. Not from a physical sickness, but a mental and emotional sickness. Things that once seemed everyday or went unnoticed now send a pain through your body, and emotions of heartache, anger, and frustration dizzy your mind. Materialism flashes all around in neon colors. Tears can be triggered unexpectedly and uncontrollably by things like walking into a mall, watching half-eaten plates of food being thrown away, going to a party and seeing the overabundance of "stuff" we think we need, or driving into a church parking lot full of luxury vehicles.

What it boils down to is a realization that a majority of us are living in a bubble, and wanting with all your heart to help people see the outside... Wanting with all your heart to make people care.

It is a heaviness that sometimes makes it hard for you to breath. It is wanting to say things that are meaningful, but feeling like no one speaks the same language. It is complete vulnerability. But more than anything, it is a feeling that you are trapped and cannot break free.
And this, in summary, is how I live: In a constant state of culture shock.

As I write this, there are things going on around me that sting my soul. When I say these things out loud people call me weird and roll their eyes. People who know me call it "being Becca."

But I don't want that. I do not want these things that convict my soul and break my heart to be empty in the end. I do not want to be an outsider because I feel these things; I want to be an outsider because these things stir me to move.

Please Lord, show me how to move.


Mrs Night Owl said...

Becca.. I love this. I feel like you know my heart in ways hardly anyone I know knows me. Sometimes, I will be sitting at home and the thought that the food I'm about to throw away would feed a starving tummy, or that the desire to go buy some more decorations for my house is so incredibly selfish in comparison to someone who lives in an improvised country. I literally will feel 'nauseated'. And you are the first person I have ever met that described it that way. It is so true. I'd like to pray your prayer for you, and myself. God bless you for speaking the things He shows you and for 'being becca'. I love it!

Rebecca said...

Thanks, it is encouraging to know I am not alone.

Mark Langham said...

I know. This world is not our home. We are given the task of taking care of the weak, and we get maybe 75 years to do it. And we build giant tombs to worship in, we build little tombs to live in. We spangle our arms and necks with metals we call precious while the truly precious die in brothels and brick kilns. I choose to be an outsider, or more precisely, I accept that Jesus was an outsider, and I long to be like him. What ever we do unto the least of these we do to Him. And whatever we don't do.....

Jonathan Armstrong said...

Wow Becca, I like what you said and would have to agree with you.

Now that we are aware of the problem what do you plan to do, what do you think the church could do, and finally let's just make sure to be praying for the church that it can come back to its roots.

Have you read the book "Revolution" by George Barna? (

I look forward to more reads!

Rebecca said...

Yes, awareness is def. only the beginning of what hopefully becomes a life-change.

First, I think the most basic step as individuals and as the church, would be to examine how we use our money, time, and talents, and to ask God to reveal where those things are being invested. If the foundation is not Christ and our investments are not for the Kingdom, we have some serious re-organizing to do. And, of course, that is only a first step, but I think one that should bring about a lot of change.

And no, I haven't read Revolution, but I will check that out. Thanks for the recommendation!