The Death of the Doggy Paddle

I recently had a conversation with one of the wisest women I know. We are starting a Bible study with what has become the most diverse group of women you will probably ever find gathered in one room, which is exciting.

But as we have been searching for a study, we have been more than frustrated.

The words that keep coming up are surfacey, shallow, fake, fluff, polished.

These are words that should never be found regarding anything referencing my Christ, and it's ticking me off a little.

And it's not just in the Christian literature. It is an overall theme within our culture. Why is there so much striving to make Christianity seem easy, comfortable, clean and safe?

In a nation full of Christians doing the doggy paddle in the shallow end, I want to do more than simply stay afloat.

I want to go deeper.

Immersion.

More of Him and less of me.

I don't want to live the easy way or the clean way.

Gritty. Grimy. Dirty. Bold. Uncomfortable. Untamed. Wild. Radical. Crazy.

And I sure as heck don't want to be safe.

I want to lay hands on lepers and dine with outcasts. I want to live outside the camp.

Because my Savior died for my freedom. And freedom means more than a comfy pew and air conditioning in my Sunday best.

In a church culture that tells us to be careful, let us pray for reckless abandon.
 

"Woe to the person who smoothly, flirtatiously, commandingly, convincingly preaches some soft, sweet something which is supposed to be Christianity." - Soren Kierkegaard

A Cup of Coffee

Hey, you want to go grab a cup of coffee?
Yes, you. All of you.

Well...most of you ;)

How at times I wish we could. We have so much to talk about.

I have so many things spinning through my head. Time and time again I have sat down to write them here, and they just get clumped up into a big jumbled mess of words.

Deep thoughts and meaningful questions that I wish we could share...in real time...in real conversation.

I'm sure you've got some of those things too...things that are filling your thoughts and tearing at your heart. Words you are longing to share with a friend.

So, I'll get the coffee started, and you can pull up a chair, and we’ll do the best that we can with the space between us.

One of the things that has been filling my thoughts lately is success, and how differently we all define success in our lives.

Or, to be more specific, how I feel this word often makes me stick out of the crowd like a sore thumb...

...even when the crowd is friends and family and church family.

There are the things I am praying about, steps I am hoping to take, and I wonder if these people and their views of success are playing a role in the choices I am making, or, more accurately, not making. I don't want to walk in their human will for my life; I want to walk in God's will for my life.

And that’s hard when God's way looks a lot like failure in their eyes.

To paraphrase the definition of success, it would be "the achievement of something desired."

When looking at this definition, it makes me rethink that maybe we are not so different in what we believe success is, but rather, what we desire.

The more I grow in my relationship with Christ, and the more I open up my eyes to the people around me, the more poverty tears my heart apart.

I desire to be a warrior against the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of poverty. I desire to live in community with the poor and love with every ounce of me.

I will never drive that fancy car or have that house on the beach, or possibly any house. I will probably never have that extra money to spend on clothes or hair or vacations. In fact, I will likely live my life day by day in faith, trusting that God will provide enough. I will always be the outsider.

And what makes me sad is this; most of the people I know, even most of the people who love me, will likely see my life as a failure because of this. I am pretty sure most of them do now. And although I don't want their desires to define me, it still hurts. And on some days more than others, it makes me feel far away from some of the people I should feel the closest to.

Now I breathe deeply and thank you for listening, and I’ll sip my coffee and listen closely as you share about you. I want to hear your thoughts on success and failure, your hurts, and your desires.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal…

The Outsider part 2

And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. Hebrews 13:12-13

In Old Testament law, when sacrifices were made for atonement of sin, the carcasses were burned outside the camp.

Lepers and others with infectious diseases were sent outside the camp.

Blasphemers and criminals were taken outside the camp to be stoned.

Anything that was considered unclean was done outside the camp.

Anyone who was impure was sent outside the camp.

Jesus suffered outside the camp.

Jesus was an outsider. He shook everything up. He took the old laws and made them new. He made them better. He made them relational rather than ritual. He went outside the camp, and there he made the ultimate sacrifice once and for all.

In Hebrews we are told that we, too, must go outside the camp. Not because we are unclean, but because we are washed by His blood.

Outside the camp it is uncomfortable. It can be dangerous. There are the sick, the poor, the criminals, but mostly there are those who have not heard the good news.

In the Old Testament, God dwelled inside the camp. The good news is that Christ's sacrifice broke those boundaries. The good news is that there is healing for the sick, provision for the poor, redemption for the criminals, and salvation for the lost.

The question is, who will tell them? Who will follow Jesus outside the camp, to the unclean places, and show them the love of God?

Will you bear his disgrace? Will you be an outsider?

The Outsider

If you have ever traveled to a third world country, you have most likely experienced culture shock. Some experience culture shock when entering a new country, but others, like me, experience it more coming home.

Its a nauseating feeling. Not from a physical sickness, but a mental and emotional sickness. Things that once seemed everyday or went unnoticed now send a pain through your body, and emotions of heartache, anger, and frustration dizzy your mind. Materialism flashes all around in neon colors. Tears can be triggered unexpectedly and uncontrollably by things like walking into a mall, watching half-eaten plates of food being thrown away, going to a party and seeing the overabundance of "stuff" we think we need, or driving into a church parking lot full of luxury vehicles.

What it boils down to is a realization that a majority of us are living in a bubble, and wanting with all your heart to help people see the outside... Wanting with all your heart to make people care.

It is a heaviness that sometimes makes it hard for you to breath. It is wanting to say things that are meaningful, but feeling like no one speaks the same language. It is complete vulnerability. But more than anything, it is a feeling that you are trapped and cannot break free.
And this, in summary, is how I live: In a constant state of culture shock.

As I write this, there are things going on around me that sting my soul. When I say these things out loud people call me weird and roll their eyes. People who know me call it "being Becca."

But I don't want that. I do not want these things that convict my soul and break my heart to be empty in the end. I do not want to be an outsider because I feel these things; I want to be an outsider because these things stir me to move.


Please Lord, show me how to move.