Sunday, October 2, 2011


The last couple days I have been so blessed to spend time in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

It is a place that was one of my many homes growing up. I lived there during a time when there was an undeniable crazy battle going on for my soul.

God brought me to work and retreat at this place when I was broken and needed healing the most.

But looking back on those years I want to kick my teenage self in the head. Yeah, I had fun, and there was a lot of adventure; Yet I was hardened and bitter and resistant to what the Holy Spirit was trying to reveal to me.

God sent amazing people in my life, and placed me in among his most glorious handiwork, and I took it all for granted.

I broke bread with Francis Chan and changed his babies diapers, yet his words and godly wisdom wouldn't break through the hardened layers of my heart until years later. They somehow reached me through words on a page, when they had been given to me years earlier through friendly conversation. And there were so many others like him. God used their children in the nursery where I worked to connect me with people who would speak overflowing words of wisdom into my life, and I let them fall carelessly to the floor.

Thinking back on moments like this, I wish I could go back and drink them all in. I wish I could write down those words and savor them completely. Yet I know it was a season, and that season has passed.

But today I am reminded of the fact that this season, the one I am in now, it is not over. It is not too late to appreciate today. So I sit and reflect on the place God has me in now, the people He has sent to speak truth into my life today, and the ways the Holy Spirit is fighting for me and revealing himself to me in this season.

And today I am also reminded of where I was then, and where He has brought me. Healing has taken place, my hardened heart has been cracked open enough to let a little light through, and I am changed. My Savior has won the battle, and there is freedom.

Hume, California. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
I will leave you with words from one of my favorite worship songs. One of the writers of this song is one of those very people God sent to speak wisdom to me, and the words to this song were completed at the very place God fought so hard for my heart. And today, as I walk away from this place, I am nothing less than overwhelmed.

I am nothing, yet you bid me
Come to You, O Lord Almighty
As I come I'm overwhelmed with You.
Humbly now I break the silence
As I'm weeping in your presence
I'm so wretched, overwhelmed with You.

Your blood of redemption is covering my shame
Your voice that shakes the heavens
Is whispering my name
As you catch my tears
With your nail-scarred hand
I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.
I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.

I am nothing, yet you bid me
Come to You, O Lord Almighty.  

Written by Tom Dickson and Joel Weldon


Gayle said...

I suspect that many of us could have written this blog (although nowhere near as eloquently). It is probably a fact of life that all of humanity, at one point in time or another, has done exactly what you described. The wonderful thing is what you said at the end about where God has brought us since those days. You expressed well what many no doubt feel about themselves. To God be the glory.

Melissa Irwin said...

So beautiful, Becca. And so true for me too. Love you!

Jennifer said...

There are many moments I would like to go back and "kick my teenage self in the head". Without His grace and mercy, it would have all been in vain. I'm so grateful for second chances! Love the song!

Amy said...

Ah, yes. My teenage self was so clueless and so arrogant about it, too. Thank God for everything since then.

I love the look of joy on your face in that picture!