Sunday, October 28, 2012

Shattered

One morning as I was driving to work last week, out of nowhere, I began thinking about children of war. There are children, all over the world, who are growing up in war zones and never experiencing the freedom and abandon that should be an inseperable part of childhood.

And then, as my heart broke for these war zone children, I started crying. I put on my sunglasses, although the sun was just rising, as I don't want my co-commuters to think of me as the weepy girl they see on their daily commute. Because honestly, more mornings than not, I end up crying about something on my drive to work.

A long time ago I asked God to break my heart for the things that break His. And for years now, my heart continues to break. Once I think I've had all the breaking that one can take, that I've seen or heard all the hurts that this world can handle, He shows me a little more, and I break a little more.

Although it is not easy or as romantic as it may seem to live with a broken heart, it is something I do not regret one bit, because I see the way it continues to transform me.

Things like the latest trends, reality stars, the latest movie, stylish haircuts, they no longer have meaning to me. I realized this a couple months ago when I wore an unmendable hole in my favorite pair of jeans. I decided to wear leggings under them instead of throwing them away because, well, not only were they my favorite pair of jeans...they were my only pair of jeans.

After much consideration and prayer I decided that I did, in fact, need to spend money to buy some new clothes, and it hurt. It hurt me to take money that would have gone as a family gift to one of my Compassion kids or to an adoption grant of a child in need and spend it on something as meaningless as clothing.

Because when God breaks your heart for the hurts and needs of his people, everything else becomes empty and stale.

When God breaks your heart, you will find that where once it was a sacrifice to forgo that thing you desired (dinner and a movie, a pedicure, a trip to Disneyland, new shoes, a great new haircut, fill in the blank_______) so you could give a little more for the Kingdom, it now becomes a joy.

And even as your heart shatters, it becomes clear that joy in the eternal is much greater than happiness through the temporary.

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