A Cup of Coffee

Hey, you want to go grab a cup of coffee?
Yes, you. All of you.

Well...most of you ;)

How at times I wish we could. We have so much to talk about.

I have so many things spinning through my head. Time and time again I have sat down to write them here, and they just get clumped up into a big jumbled mess of words.

Deep thoughts and meaningful questions that I wish we could share...in real time...in real conversation.

I'm sure you've got some of those things too...things that are filling your thoughts and tearing at your heart. Words you are longing to share with a friend.

So, I'll get the coffee started, and you can pull up a chair, and we’ll do the best that we can with the space between us.

One of the things that has been filling my thoughts lately is success, and how differently we all define success in our lives.

Or, to be more specific, how I feel this word often makes me stick out of the crowd like a sore thumb...

...even when the crowd is friends and family and church family.

There are the things I am praying about, steps I am hoping to take, and I wonder if these people and their views of success are playing a role in the choices I am making, or, more accurately, not making. I don't want to walk in their human will for my life; I want to walk in God's will for my life.

And that’s hard when God's way looks a lot like failure in their eyes.

To paraphrase the definition of success, it would be "the achievement of something desired."

When looking at this definition, it makes me rethink that maybe we are not so different in what we believe success is, but rather, what we desire.

The more I grow in my relationship with Christ, and the more I open up my eyes to the people around me, the more poverty tears my heart apart.

I desire to be a warrior against the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of poverty. I desire to live in community with the poor and love with every ounce of me.

I will never drive that fancy car or have that house on the beach, or possibly any house. I will probably never have that extra money to spend on clothes or hair or vacations. In fact, I will likely live my life day by day in faith, trusting that God will provide enough. I will always be the outsider.

And what makes me sad is this; most of the people I know, even most of the people who love me, will likely see my life as a failure because of this. I am pretty sure most of them do now. And although I don't want their desires to define me, it still hurts. And on some days more than others, it makes me feel far away from some of the people I should feel the closest to.

Now I breathe deeply and thank you for listening, and I’ll sip my coffee and listen closely as you share about you. I want to hear your thoughts on success and failure, your hurts, and your desires.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal…

The C Word

This week I was asked to house/animal sit, and in exchange they allowed me to have a couple of the girls I mentor over to go swimming yesterday.

Two weeks ago I helped the woman I live with paint the New York skyline for her church's VBS. As a thank you to her for all the work she did, they gave her a giftcard to the Olive Garden. And to thank me she invited me and the girls to go out to dinner last night.

It kinda feels like that thing...

You know...what's that word?

Its that thing where you help others out when they need it, and then they help you out, just because they can...

I think it starts with a C....

Oh, yeah.

Community.

Word to the Wise

When in the presence of cuteness that is so cute it is suspiciously cute...

Sleep with one eye open.

And don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and this cute and innocent little ball of spunk, she is the same sweet baby I am holding in the picture up there, on my header.

 The older she gets the ornerier she gets.

Yep, that's my girl.

Oh, Dear

Today, I came home from work feeling super motivated. This whole eating crazy healthy thing has inspired me to live healthier all around, which has helped me feel better even though my body is still completely out of whack.

I decided to do my favorite new workout. I went upstairs and changed, and came down to realize I had forgotten my shoes. I went back upstairs and got my shoes. Came downstairs to realize I forgot my weights. Went back upstairs and did who knows what and came back downstairs...without the weights. Lets just make a long story short here and say that getting ready for my workout was as much of a workout as the actual workout.

To redeem myself, I decided to make some tea. I was victorious and remembered to turn the stove off before the water boiled dry. Ha, take that.

Just in case anyone is keeping track, the score is now

Me: 1           Hormones: 587

A Winner and a Wish

First things first, I would like to announce that the winner of the Learn a Little Win a Little Giveaway is...

Congratulations Miss Annabelle! I hope you enjoy your beautifully handmade Tanzanian gifts! And a big thank you to everyone who entered. I am really happy that so many of you read the article and are spreading awareness about obsteric fistula. In my book that makes this giveaway a great success!

I would also like to send out wonderful Father's Day wishes to all the fathers out there, and to the spiritual fathers as well.

And for those who have grown up without a father, or with absent, abusive, or detached earthly fathers, please know that you have a perfect father who delights in you.

I hope that today you'll take the time to dance on your daddy's feet.

Daily Bread

Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me,

give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.

Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?'

Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

Excuse My Puddle

Today is Pentecost. It is the day that the Holy Spirit breathed life on the first church and really shook things up.

Today is also the Global Day of Prayer. It is a day for the nations to gather and pray for the hurts and needs and aches of the world. It is a day for the Holy Spirit to really shake things up.

So today I knew I was in for some double shaking.

This morning at church, as we had time to worship and pray especially for the Holy Spirit to move us in mighty ways, he broke my heart a little more for the hurts and desperation in our world, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face.

You see, when the Holy Spirit moves, incredible and indescribable things are bound to happen. People pray in tongues and prophesy. People are healed.

And then there's me. I usually stand frozen in place, often with hands raised, weeping uncontrollably.

Not the most awe-inspiring thing to see, I'm sure. But in these moments the Holy Spirit is moving me and speaking through me on behalf of the broken and enslaved, the hurting and the poor.

I never would have considered intercession as one of the power gifts, and if God would have asked, it likely would not have been the gift I would have chosen. But as I am learning more and more about the power of prayer, I know he gave me this gift cause he knows my heart even better than I. And as he moves through me, I begin to hunger for more.

I came home from the earth shaking worship service this morning and read many more heartbreaking things. I wept over babies in Uganda who went to be with Jesus this week, and I wept for people suffering in Zimbabwe.

Then I went back to church tonight for the city-wide Global Day of Prayer service. We had a time of worship and community prayer. Then we were instructed to choose three prayer stations to visit that were placed throughout the church. We were given a list of the stations, but none of them had in-depth descriptions of what we would be praying for. I glanced down and went to the first station that caught my eye, without even having the chance to read what all the stations were.

At my first station we prayed for the leaders in North Africa, and for the persecuted church.

Let the crying begin.

The next station I went to had the desciption of "Thailand". We spent time here praying for the women and children trapped in the sex trade in Thailand, and spoke words of beauty and life that we believed that God would like them to hear.

By this time my tears were about ankle deep, and I was wishing I had worn my rainboots.

The third and final station I stopped at was the next one in line. It was lead by a group of children. We spent time praying for the children in our community and in Africa. For my personal prayer time I was given a photo of an African boy, with the words on the back "Pray that healing may come through the children in Africa."

After a few more moments of kneeling and weeping, these children served me communion.

At this point the person next to me was doing the doggy paddle to stay afloat in my mess.

I have to admit that when I open my eyes and wipe the tears away to see that no one else has cried any puddles, self conscious thoughts come rushing over me. But I am learning that this is what it means to live with a broken heart. And this is a beautiful gift.

I'm just gonna need to get me some more rainboots.

Learn a Little, Win a Little~ A Giveaway

A few weeks ago at my local Farmer's Market, I discovered an NGO called The Women Can Ministry. It was the beautiful handmade African products at their booth that first caught my. After talking to the represenative, Nancy, about the organization and what it stands for, I knew I wanted to support this ministry.

 

The primary purpose of this ministry is to assist in reducing and eliminating high rates of maternal and child mortalities as well as poverty in the two rural districts (of Tanzania) due to malnutrition, obstetric fistula and poor or no education.

Products sold by The Women Can Ministry are handmade by women in Tanzania and sold in the US to help these women support their families in the fight against poverty.

Many of the women who are part of this project are victims of obsteric fistula, which can cause them to be completely shunned from their communities. Corrective surgery for this condition costs $64.00 US, which is not much by our standards, but for these women in Tanzania is often times completely out of reach. The income from these products (which is split evenly among the group) helps many of these women pay for this surgery to correct a life altering condition.

I decided that I should definitely buy some of their beautiful handmade Tanzanian products, and because I love you so much, I am going to share them with you!

One lucky winner will recieve a beautifully hand-dyed purse, red coconut bead necklace, and handpainted Africa card:

The beautiful, brightly colored Africa card was handpainted by the children supported by this ministry:



 This vibrant red necklace is long enough to double over, and is made up of handcrafted coconut beads:

This brightly colored purse is uniquely dyed with beautiful yellows and reds. The purse has a thick single shoulder strap, and is lined with solid black material. Its so beautiful, I decided to buy one for myself too :)

There are five ways for you to enter this giveaway:

1)Leave me a comment telling me you want to enter! Easy peasy!

2) Read this article about obsteric fistula in Tanzania, and tell me one thing that stood out to you (It could be something you learned, something that surprised you, or something that gave you hope).

3) Share this giveaway on Twitter.

4) Share this giveaway on Facebook.

5) Share this giveaway on your blog.

Make sure you leave a separate comment for each entry. The winner will be drawn the old skool way~ out of a paper bag~ on Sunday, June 19th. Oh, and please leave an email or blog address so I will be able to contact you if you are the winner!

I also recommend that you watch the beautifully and respectfully created documentary called A Walk to Beautiful, which lets us into the lives of several young Ethiopian women who have suffered from obsteric fistula.It can be watched full-length here. Its only about 52 minutes long, and totally worth every second.

Good luck!

Learning Through Hellos

Throughout life I have been blessed to have all my grandparents play an irreplaceable role on my journey. And I have been even more blessed to have grandparents to walk beside me who also walk beside Christ.

In 2009 I spent the days and hours leading up to my grandpa's passing at his bedside, mostly listening to stories and laughing, and of course some crying.

Then one year ago today I sat beside my grandma and held her hand as she was ushered into Heaven.

Somehow they have taught me through death just as they taught me through life, and I am so thankful that God blessed me with the opportunity to be there in those moments.

My remaining grandparents live in Colorado, and through the last year especially, it has been hard to be so far away.

Last August my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery to remove the large lump that was found, as well as several lymph nodes that were also cancerous. Although her outlook was grim, she has been doing surprisingly well, no doubt thanks to the prayers surrounding her.

The last ten months have been a rollercoaster ride for my family and my grandma's health, but through it all my grandpa has been an example of Christ's strength and compassion for his wife of 65 years.

Then last month the results from a routine procedure shocked us all.

My grandpa was diagnosed with colon and stomach cancer. We don't know exactly how advanced it is, and he has chosen to not have surgery in order to maintain his quality of life as long as possible. 

I talked to him on the phone a few days after the diagnosis, half expectant to hear a disheartened voice on the other line. As soon as I heard his beaming "Hello!" I couldn't help but cry. 

It was the happiest hello I have ever heard in my life....half giggle really.  

Only in Christ. That's the only explanation for the joy I heard on the other line.

So, through simple hellos, they are still teaching me.  

This summer I have decided that I need to absorb as much wisdom from them as possible. God has changed my plans around, because I believe he wants me to spend some precious time with my grandparents.

I have handed over my responsibilities at Youth for Christ for the summer, and put some hopeful Zimbabwe (travel) plans on hold. It has has not been the easy thing to do in a lot of ways, but at the same time the decision was easy.

As soon as summer school is over I will be on a plane to Colorado, where I will have many more hellos, and many precious moments to hold hands with wisdom.

Bent Down Low

Yesterday, as I drove to work, I prayed for opportunities to be a blessing. And I prayed for obedience.

Between my prayer and arriving at work, I was given two opportunities. I was obedient in one of them.

Off to a bad start.

Then last night I was given another opportunity. I was obedient, but had a horrible attitude about the task I was given.

Um, hello, I'm the one who asked for this...

Then I read this post, which broke me, maybe more than any other post I have ever read. And then I read it again, and again.

And I cried.

This morning I prayed for opportunities to bend down low.

And after many moments of bending down low, I pray that these moments turn to days, these days to week, these weeks to months...

Until one day I learn to live bent down low.