A Mother's Heart

I turned 13 living in a women's shelter.

It wasn't the ideal situation. Sharing a bedroom and bathroom with up to 11 other people. Not going to school. Living off the bare-pickings in the food pantry. Having nothing to my name but the clothes on my back and a few items from the donation closet.

It was a challenging time, but what most would assume to be a dark time in my life turned out to be anything but.

The circumstances that took us there (my mom, sister and I) were definitely dark. It was a protective shelter, for women and children escaping abusive situations. But God, in his true character, used that ugly situation and created something beautiful.

It was there, in that shelter, that God revealed in me a mother's heart.

My sister and I were the oldest children in the shelter. There were lots of little ones, and there were lots of mothers. Mothers who were beaten, broken, and tired. It was there, when the mothers escaped mentally and emotionally, and sometimes even physically, that God revealed part of his plan for me.

I loved those little ones with all of my heart, and I helped to care for them whenever I could. There, in a situation that I am sure the devil intended to tear me down, I was built up instead. Changing diapers, giving baths, tucking the little ones in at night, these things gave me joy.

Since that time, God has continued to grow in me a mother's heart. A heart to love, care for, encourage, disciple, and celebrate the lives of children. He has blessed me with jobs and relationships where I can do all these things.

But he has yet to bless me with my own child.

And that brings me to today, where I am faced with what could be another dark situation.

In September I started having shooting pains in my stomach. After testing, testing, and more testing, the doctors have, over the last 8 months, diagnosed me with a condition that is not life-threatening, but could, and will likely, effect my ability to have children.

I have been prayed for. Many people have laid their hands on me in prayers for healing. Every 4 weeks I have gone in for more testing, each time hanging on to the hope that the results will be different than the months before. Each time walking away disappointed.

This is not something I have shared with a lot of people. Strangers who have prayed for me know more than many of my dear friends. But a couple nights ago I was praying, and God reminded me how he has taken ugly situations in my life, and turned them into something beautiful. And then he challenged me. The question that swept over my heart was this: How are these things going to bring God glory if I don't share them?

So I am writing this to say that I have faith. God has placed in me a mother's heart, and He has a plan to use it for his glory.

I have faith that He can heal me. But I also have faith that His ways are higher than my ways.

I go in for more testing tomorrow.

Maybe this time I will be healed. Maybe not. Either way I continue to hold on to the truth that He has something greater planned for me than I could ever imagine. Either way, I will hold on to this truth, and I will not walk away disappointed.

Because, in this very moment, He is creating something beautiful.

The Outsider part 2

And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. Hebrews 13:12-13

In Old Testament law, when sacrifices were made for atonement of sin, the carcasses were burned outside the camp.

Lepers and others with infectious diseases were sent outside the camp.

Blasphemers and criminals were taken outside the camp to be stoned.

Anything that was considered unclean was done outside the camp.

Anyone who was impure was sent outside the camp.

Jesus suffered outside the camp.

Jesus was an outsider. He shook everything up. He took the old laws and made them new. He made them better. He made them relational rather than ritual. He went outside the camp, and there he made the ultimate sacrifice once and for all.

In Hebrews we are told that we, too, must go outside the camp. Not because we are unclean, but because we are washed by His blood.

Outside the camp it is uncomfortable. It can be dangerous. There are the sick, the poor, the criminals, but mostly there are those who have not heard the good news.

In the Old Testament, God dwelled inside the camp. The good news is that Christ's sacrifice broke those boundaries. The good news is that there is healing for the sick, provision for the poor, redemption for the criminals, and salvation for the lost.

The question is, who will tell them? Who will follow Jesus outside the camp, to the unclean places, and show them the love of God?

Will you bear his disgrace? Will you be an outsider?

Sight

After years of procrastination, I finally went to the optometrist.



Now signs have words, trees have leaves, and people have wrinkles. Its a beautiful thing.

The Outsider

If you have ever traveled to a third world country, you have most likely experienced culture shock. Some experience culture shock when entering a new country, but others, like me, experience it more coming home.

Its a nauseating feeling. Not from a physical sickness, but a mental and emotional sickness. Things that once seemed everyday or went unnoticed now send a pain through your body, and emotions of heartache, anger, and frustration dizzy your mind. Materialism flashes all around in neon colors. Tears can be triggered unexpectedly and uncontrollably by things like walking into a mall, watching half-eaten plates of food being thrown away, going to a party and seeing the overabundance of "stuff" we think we need, or driving into a church parking lot full of luxury vehicles.

What it boils down to is a realization that a majority of us are living in a bubble, and wanting with all your heart to help people see the outside... Wanting with all your heart to make people care.

It is a heaviness that sometimes makes it hard for you to breath. It is wanting to say things that are meaningful, but feeling like no one speaks the same language. It is complete vulnerability. But more than anything, it is a feeling that you are trapped and cannot break free.
And this, in summary, is how I live: In a constant state of culture shock.

As I write this, there are things going on around me that sting my soul. When I say these things out loud people call me weird and roll their eyes. People who know me call it "being Becca."

But I don't want that. I do not want these things that convict my soul and break my heart to be empty in the end. I do not want to be an outsider because I feel these things; I want to be an outsider because these things stir me to move.


Please Lord, show me how to move.

Voice of the Martyrs

Did you know that right now there are more Christians being martyred for their faith than in any other time in history?

Persecution to the point of death is something we don't hear about much in the United States, but it is happening all over the world.

There is an amazing organization called Voice of the Martyrs, which serves to assist the persecuted church. They do this by raising awareness, sending encouragement and support to the persecuted, and by joining the worldwide body of Christ together through prayer.

To get more information you can visit VOM's website and subscribe to their free monthly newsletter. You can also go here to recieve a free copy of Tortured for Christ, a story of persecution, and send a free copy to your friends while you are at it.

One Reason to Choose Compassion

I know there are so many wonderful organizations out there that do wonderful things, and sometimes it is hard to know where my contributions would be best used. For 6 years now I have been part of an organization that breaks the cycle of poverty. So out of many, here is one reason to choose Compassion International:

"There is a poverty that money cannot make go away."- Richmond Wandera (Compassion graduate and leadership student).

Yes, to sponsor a child requires a monthly donation of $38. With this money, Compassion partners with local churches to help meet the holistic needs of the child. But more than that, it gives you an opportunity to build a relationship with, love, encourage, and celebrate your child.

These kids come from the kind of poverty where there is a "lack of food, lack of clothing, lack of warmth," but there is also often a "poverty of self image." Compassion opens a window for you to break the cycle, through which, in the words of Richmond, you can "leak light over their world."

Click here to open that window.

Was it Worth it?

A couple days ago I went One Day Without Shoes.

Did it really do any good? Was is really worth all the weird looks?

I would like to think so.

I have been on spring break this last week, so I did not go to work barefoot, but I did spend the morning at Youth for Christ. It was great! Most of the office joined in, and we printed out little info strips to hand out to people we encountered throughout the day.

There were several people I know who I saw throughout the day. When they didn't mention anything about me being barefoot, I asked them if they were curious as to why I wasn't wearing shoes. One person told me they assumed it was "some kind of people who love Africa thing," and I was told by another that they didn't think anything of it, because I am kind of a hippie. I will take those comments as compliments, thank you very much :)

So, throughout the day I was given the opportunity to share the cause with many, even with some women at my church. (Yes, I went to church barefoot)

Throughout the day I was able to share the facts about there being over 300 million children in the world who don't wear shoes, and the health effects of that. Perfectly enough, part of our study topic that evening at church was THANKFULNESS. The conversation came back around to the things we take for granted, and I got to share even more about some things I experienced on the mission field.

One thing that shocked me throughout the day was that everything I was saying seemed to be brand new information to a lot of people...even Christian people.

I love raising awareness about poverty, but I use to get so frustrated at things people didn't know. I eventually realized all that did was turn people away, so I prayed for a change of heart. I have to tell you that now it just makes me so sad. Being the church, we should know about the poor, because how are we going to love them if we don't even know about them?

So I shared with them a few things going on in our world that many of us have been sheltered from. And now I am praying for more opportunities to share with them in a loving and meaningful way.

So, was it worth it?

Yes.

Are there still over 300 million children in the world who do not own a pair of shoes?

Yes.

But the good news is that we can do something about it. Check out how at Toms shoes and Samaritan's Feet


The Fresno/Madera Youth for Christ crew going One Day Without.

I'm Going to Talk about Bras

...but not in a weird way.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my dear supervisor/mentor/friend, Wendi. She was sharing with me about her recent trip to Swaziland with Project Glory. She was sharing with me a sweet story about a unique way they ministered to the women there, and I had a shame on me moment.

For those of you who have experienced village life in Africa, you have probably noticed that bras are not a required part of a woman's wardrobe. I never had actually given it much thought, but if you would have asked me I probably would have told you that bras are not a needed, or even wanted, part of their lifestyle.

Shame on me.

Wendi travels regularly to Swaziland, and one of the main ministries she supports is that of local caregivers who donate their time and resources to help their neighbors. They sacrifice for others every day, and ask for nothing in return. A week before her most recent trip, the group decided to collect bras to give to the caregivers and women in one of the communities. There was an overwhelming response, and they were able to give away 350 bras.

First the caregivers were fitted and were able to select two bras each. Then Wendi and the group, with the help of the caregivers, set up a Swaziland version of a plush lingerie department, and they pampered these women with bras. For most of the women, these were the first bras they ever owned, and for all of them, it was a luxury.

The women laughed and had a great time, but best of all, they felt BEAUTIFUL.

What a wonderful way to bless the caregivers and the women in the community. A blessing I never would have even considered. Shame.

Sometimes I find it hard to look past the basic needs. When traveling to places where food, clean water, shelter, and medicine, are a constant burden, I often forget that God can use the simplest things, like a bra, to bless and encourage and delight his children.

I pray God would continue to teach me how BIG he is, and that he would show me how to love others through the simple things.

Barefoot

I'm not wearing shoes today...and you shouldn't either. Go barefoot for the day and raise awareness about the 300 million children in our world who do not own a pair of shoes.


Not only is going barefoot day after day painful (especially when many of these kids must walk miles daily just for water), but it also leaves children vulnerable to parasites and disease, often which are deadly.


Go to Onedaywithoutshoes.com for more info, because the whole point is to raise awareness. And while you are there you should stop over at Tom's and buy some shoes...Toms matches pair for pair....meaning when you buy a pair of shoes, a child without recieves a pair of shoes.


Pretty awesome.

A Greater Gift

I have reached a place in my life where I have come to realize how overwhelmingly blessed I am, and I am so thankful for so many things.

At the top of this list are my grandparents.

A year ago my Grandpa Allen passed away. At his funeral a time was given for anyone who wanted to stand and share to do so. Person after person stood up, and soon, even for those in the room who had never met my grandpa, it was clear the kind of character he had.

One story that stands out in my mind is one a friend of his told. My grandpa had gone to the boot store with a couple of men to buy work boots. My grandpa bought the best pair of sturdy quality boots they had, but he never even put them on. Sunday he took them to church, and told his friend (the one telling the story) that he had bought these boots, but they weren't really his style. He wondered if his friend would take them off his hands so they wouldn't go to waste. His friend, who needed new boots, was so blessed by this action, that 50 years later he stood to tell about it at my grandpa's funeral.

I am blessed to have the rest of my grandparents still with me, and still leading exemplary lives. My grandpa and grandma Doerksen, well into their 80's, are shining lights in their assisted living home. Not only do they share the love of Christ in every possible situation, they lead a worship and Bible study time each morning, and their ministry continues to be fruitful.

With all that said, words cannot express how thankful I am to have grown up with my grandparents leading by example. Many books and sermons tell me how to live a life like Christ, and how to be a servant leader, but the best teachers are those people I have watched my whole life, living out their love in actions and in truth. We have never been a family of material fortunes, but of heavenly fortunes we have plenty.